N.ex.T

28 thg 6, 2025
5 phút đọc

(Origin is in Vietnamese so you can switch to the VN version at any time)

Muse: Đỗ Uyên

Photography: Khiêm Uyên

Makeup: Đỗ Uyên

Page: NAY Visual Concept

Ding... You got a new voice message:

- Today is the first day of Summer and I want to ask you something about yourself. Are you still struggling with insomnia, which leads you to stay up late and sleep too much during the day? Do you feel that your heart is missing something?

She replied:

- I feel that my heart socket is empty as usual, but sometimes the heart is filled with my own opinions and speculations of the world.

I immediately said:

- You just thought too much.

01. I've been waiting for the day I'm growing older.

I have not truly understood my feelings lately.

Since I no longer want to struggle with the headaches that only happen whenever I think of all the previous good things. Too many inner thoughts and deep emotions that just came in at one time like a big flood then gradually engulfed me like in a mess. There is no pain which does not mean that I am okay. I know I should accept the reality and shatter the illusionary bubbles though it is pretty hard to let the past slip! I am now a real mess.

Is it because I overthink or no one understands me?

Is it because I always make self-love up too much, so it becomes a burden that makes me exhausted? Since I still do not know how to love myself properly, it is easier for me to use the label of love to cover up other true feelings...

Roses are thorny. If we carelessly hold them, it will be pretty painful. It is more likely that people who keep clinging to the shameful mud then layer them on their bodies full of wounds and let them dry into spikes moving in their hearts. Keep moving while they have not healed yet so they would become more serious. Like that, the heart can no longer evoke any feeling in which the ugly spikes keep being there.

People and roses are the same in which they all have egos. People who always seem more arrogant than usual hide their deep-lying inferiority and overflowing self-hatred. Ah! The person we think we love the most turns out to be the one we personally hate the most. So I wonder if we still call a rose with no thorn is a rose flower? And who would we be if we lost the ego?

It has been a while since I did not want anyone to ask about my age. Back at a younger time, I always wanted to be someone as long as I wasn't myself. When our hearts are full of prejudice, ambition, and sin, we may not be ourselves anymore. Living in the world, we always want all the precious things, but few people can keep themselves.

It seems like there is a thick layer of mist surrounding my body and mind, which makes me always feel so claustrophobic and tormented until I can not bear it anymore. Since I persistently refused to listen to my heart, I would not know who I am. I understand that the time comes to learn how to go with the flow of life. Maybe I'm not the most beautiful flower branch, but in the end, I can love my scar body and proudly call myself the most beautiful name - Rose.

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- I don't want to hurt myself anymore.

Well, there is no need to prove the phrase "I want to be happy" is true since I only need the word "true happiness" to nourish my soul. Because I am still waiting for the day I get older, my mind will be calm.

02. "Have you ever heard about the world egg?".

Let's think about living. How is it enough for me?

Why do you expect to be older?

I am floating again. I am getting more and more tired with each passing day. Because I am pretty stubborn, I always find myself imperfect. How many people can see the inside instability which is waiting to snatch and swallow my last remaining fragility?

It is better to run away because I want to have the last dance with you. Gently taking off my shoes, I should relax my whole body. It is marvelous to sheer to dance in, soft knit to soothe the soul, and barefoot that tap along to the electrifying rhythm of the music, and the legs will automatically move into beautiful circles then. I think that I can keep those joyful moments forever so we can still share harmony among our souls.

You should listen carefully to your heartbeat, care about your body, and rest if in need. Like the circle has no beginning and no end, the egg is symbolized sky and land. Once upon a time, the Earth hatched from an egg (*) - a symbol of fertility and rebirth. If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If that egg is broken by an inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from the inside.

The love you deserve is already within you. Start giving it to yourself. Don't believe me? How do you have so much love to give to others? - Najwa Zebian

Stop thinking that the aging of the mind will accelerate with the age of the body because that has no true light. When she fixed the cover for someone else instead of her own, the result was that the egg burst from within. I am learning every day to wait until my soul is old enough that the shell will crack and reveal the functions. Maybe it's time to stop holding back. I was so scared of the feeling of being stuck in indeterminate caviar, so I used all my strength to break it from the inside. Why do I try hard to create a cover of performance to please them?

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What a shame! I'm afraid that no one loves me, but I'm even more worried that I don't truly love myself at all. Then I talk with my selves about the pain. Although the eggshell is inherently hard, I can not wait for the moment when it thins at the end of the hatching process - that's when a thousand stars shine in the dark little corner we're hiding in. When the eggshell is broken, the unity of life and existence is re-created. Is the only way to grow up if you have to go through a lot of pain in the process of forming a new human skin? Then I will ask them: Do you want to go with me? In the process of this body constantly growing and aging, you will learn to master yourself and always dialogue with yourself to heal the smoldering pain.

I would like to pay you back all of that courage. It turns out that what people are always waiting for is the awakening in you. Only then did I understand: It's not that I can't live without someone, but because I let go of my own emotions, and then naturally it gradually dries up until there is nothing left... The next thing I can do is consciously accepting my past mistakes and making an effort to love my uniqueness. I'm not afraid when I have to let go, I'm just afraid when I can't, so I need to learn how to face problems.

Immanence (**) brings true happiness. If you are fulfilled, you will have the strength to take care of the outside and be ready to share your happiness with everyone.